Rick Peterson, Pat Roessler, Sam Hairston, 1991 Line Drive

Names: Rick Peterson, Pat Roessler, Sam Hairston
Team: Birmingham Barons
Positions: Assorted coaches, pre-rookies (wait, what?)
Value of card: How can they be pre-rookies if they're coaches?
Key 1990 stat: That doesn't even make any sense!
This card is stupid: We give up. Let's just do a Matchup already.

Round 1: Concave chest (Winner: Tie between Peterson and Roessler)
Round 2: Convex belly (Winner: Hairston)
Round 3: Doesn't know what to do with hands (Winner: Hairston)
Round 4: Bulge (Winner: Roessler)
Round 5: Unnecessary collared shirt under jersey (Winner: Peterson)
Round 6: Glasses thick enough to stop a foul ball (Winner: Hairston)
Round 7: Pre-rookie (yes, we're still angry) (Winner: None)

Final score: Hairston 3, Peterson 1, Roessler 1 (Ties: 1; nonsense categories: 1)

Synopsis: All three of these guys are far past their pre-rookie days, but Hairston's overall awkwardness scares off the competition to earn him a win in this minor-league Matchup.

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