Showing posts with label Knight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Knight. Show all posts


Brett Favre, 1994 Fleer Pro-Vision (Sequel to Stoner Illustration Week No. 4)

Name: Brett Favre
Team: Green Bay Packers
Positions: Quarterback, knight
Value of card: 2 bags of the finest spice (spoiled)
Key 1993 stat: 41 dinners at Medieval Times
Possible names for Brett Favre had he been a knight in the middle ages:
  • Sir Brett Plumehead
  • Lord Favre of Lambeau
  • Knight of the Green-and-Gold
  • Grey Beard, Protector of the Cheeseheads
  • Brett the Unshaven, First of His Name
  • Prince Packer of House Bulge



Ray Knight, 1983 Donruss

Name: Ray Knight
Team: Houston Astros
Position: Third base
Value of card: A penny that's passed through a dog
Key 1982 stat: Zero haircuts
Hey Ray Ray, we were wondering:

What's going on with Ray Knight's face?

A) Miles and miles of cheekbone
B) He's squinting harder than anyone has squinted before
C) He's constipated
D) He's slowly turning into one of the Easter Island statues
E) All of the above


Eric Swann, 1994 Coca-Cola Monsters of the Gridiron (Halloween Week 2011 No. 4)

Name: Eric "The Red" Swann
Team: Arizona Bloody Cardinals
Position: Defensive tackle
Fright value of card: That bird crap on your windshield
Key 1993 splat: Zero women "knighted"
10 insults hurled at Swann after this card came out:
10) "Your mama likes to get goosed, too!"
9) "Yo, man. That bird is having its period down your neck!"
8) "That coat of arms is Member's Only!"
7) "In an outfit like that, not even your eggs get laid!"
6) "You're not even the real Eric the Red!"
5) "Oh lord, you should have the bird tweet how stupid you look!"
4)  "Red Swann? More like lame black Swann!"
3) "That chainmail beard should be returned to sender!"
2) "A chump of feathers flocks by himself!"
1) "I deem thee, valiant knight, Sir Douche of Bag!"


Neil O'Donnell, 1994 Coca-Cola Monsters of the Gridiron (Halloween Week 2011 No. 1)

Name: Neil "Knight Raider" O'Donnell
Team: Pittsburgh Squealers
Position: Quarterback
Fright value of card: A spider bite
Key 1994 splat: Four spikes (not of the football)
Halloween Week returns from the grave: That's right, fright fans, thanks to popular demand (nearly 12 of you asked for it), we've brought back the Coca-Cola Monsters of the Gridiron for a second Halloween Week. What better way to start than with possibly the most confusing card in the set. For one thing, Neil O'Donnell here looks like a cross between a Tim Burton character and Braveheart. Second, his "monster" name is Knight Raider, even though he's not on the Raiders and he looks nothing like David Hasselhoff. And third, how is this a monster? Is he a zombie knight? Is he just really old and muscular? Why does he have chainmail AND short sleeves? And why, for lord's sake, is his helmet shooting out Cheez Whiz? Never mind. We don't want to know any more.