O.J. Simpson, 1974 Topps (Football Friday No. 50)

Name: O.J. Simpson
Team: Buffalo Bills
Position: Running back
Value of card: It's really been slashed
Key 1973 stat: Zero crimes committed
Pop quiz, '70s style:

What is the grooviest thing about this card?

A) O.J.'s shoulder pads made out of bricks
B) The border, which looks like it was stolen from the set of "The Price is Right" circa 1985
C) The lopsided centering cut, which really slaughters its value
D) O.J.'s afro-shaped helmet
E) The fact that Buffalo actually looks livable
F) All of the above

O.J. Simpson, 1974 Topps (Football Friday No. 50)

O.J. McDuffie, 1993 Upper Deck Star Rookies (Football Friday No. 48)

Name: O.J. McDuffie
Team: Miami Dolphins
Position: Wide receiver
Value of card: 4 grams of used kitty litter
Key 1992 stat: Walked everywhere in full uniform and pads
Miami Dolphins scouting report on top draft choice O.J. McDuffie: "Earned a degree in labor relations, so he's probably a hard worker. Or maybe a Teamster. ... All the guys were jealous of his super slim waistline. ... Played for Joe Paterno, so he'll have no trouble with our crusty, old coach, Don Shula. ... Excellent knitter. ... Last name is a little girly. ... May be the key to getting Marino a Super Bowl ring — hopefully that way he'll actually stop whining about it for once. ... Says his life dream is to join Boyz II Men. ... Spends a little too much time around statues of lions. ... Has the same first name as O.J. Simpson, and he was real fast."

O.J. McDuffie, 1993 Upper Deck Star Rookies (Football Friday No. 48)

O.J. Simpson, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Football Friday No. 11)

Name: O.J. Simpson
Team: Buffalo Bills
Positions: Running back, actor
Value of card: Crime doesn't pay
Key 1991 stat: Two thumbs tucked into pockets
Remembering O.J.: Sure, O.J. Simpson is a convicted robber, burglar and kidnapper, and very likely got away with murder. But that's not the Juice I like to think about. When I think about O.J., two things come to mind.
1) The windbreaker he's wearing on this card. I'm pretty sure I got this same jacket by mailing in 20 General Mills cereal box tops in 1989. It was made of papier mache and did nothing to stop the wind.
2) One word: Nordberg.

O.J. Simpson, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Football Friday No. 11)