Showing posts with label Jets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jets. Show all posts


Neil O'Donnell, 1996 Score (Football Friday No. 213)

Name: Neil O'Donnell
Team: New York Jets
Position: Quarterback
Value of card: 6 ounces of real pig skin
Key 1995 stat: 365 days spent in an anger-filled rage
Top 10 reasons Neil O'Donnell is so mad:
10) His arm hair is all knotted up.
9) A teammate made a joke about "Neiling" for opponents.
8) He just remembered he was playing for the New York Jets.
7) He realized he had to throw that ball during practice.
6) He's not mad; the photographer said, "Show me confused and awkward."
5) Someone disparaged mid-1990s "90210" haircuts.
4) Typical Irish temper.
3) Two hairs in his bangs are out of place.
2) He said, "I want to score," and they put him on a Score card.
1) One of his balls is being crushed.

Card submitted by Fat Shawn Kemp


John Riggins, 1973 Topps (Football Friday No. 209)

Name: John Riggins
Team: New York Jets
Position: Running back
Value of card: The broken radio antenna from that sweet '71 Oldsmobile in the background
Key 1973 stat: Put Bill Bradley to shame
Hair's the catch: Football fans know that John Riggins was a tough guy, a hard-nosed runner who was never one to shy away from contact. But few remember that Riggins appealed to the league before the 1973 season to let him play without a helmet, arguing that his luxurious afro would absorb any impact on the field      and adding that it would be a crime to cover it up in any way. The NFL decided to allow Riggins to forgo his hat for one preseason game as a trial. The running back, as you might expect, was knocked unconscious in the first quarter. The league then quickly denied Riggins' appeal      not because it was concerned about concussions or player safety (as we've come to learn), but because of commissioner Pete Rozelle's incredible hair envy.


Chester Marcol and Bobby Howfield, 1973 Topps (Football Friday No. 199)

Names: Chester Marcol, Bobby Howfield
Teams: Green Bay Packers, New York Jets
Position: Kickers, both of 'em
Value of card: Four broken kicking tees
Key 1972 stats: Kicked a lot of field goals, or something
It's time for a special (teams) Matchup:

Round 1: Tiny little itsy-bitsy head (Winner: Marcol)
Round 2: Jersey airbrushed green even though he didn't switch teams (Winner: Marcol)
Round 3: Illuminated by the sweet, bright light of heaven itself (Winner: Howfield)
Round 4: Cultivated sideburns to make up for male-pattern baldness (Winner: Howfield)
Round 5: White-guy 'fro (Winner: Marcol)
Round 6: Could be mistaken for some sort of English gentleman (Winner: Howfield)
Round 7: Could be mistaken for a 12-year-old (Winner: Marcol)
Round 8: Mastered the art of posing in front of a tree (Winner: Tie)

Final score: Marcol 4, Howfield 3 (Ties: 1)

Synopsis: It went down to the wire, but thanks to his boyish charm and needlessly retouched uniform, Chester Marcol split the uprights in this Matchup, sending Bobby Howfield and the Jets to another defeat. (Don't worry, they're used to it.)


Leon Washington, 2006 Bowman Signs of the Future (Football Friday No. 195)

Name: Leon Washington
Team: New York Jets
Position: Running back
Value of card: One VHS copy of "Boyz n the Hood," half taped over
Key 2006 stat: Two misinterpreted middle-finger salutes
Q-U-I-Z! Quiz! Quiz! Quiz!: What's Leon Washington doing in this photo?

A) Responding to New York fans who booed him and every other Jets pick at the draft
B) Mocking future Jets coach Rex Ryan's man boobs
C) Practicing for his future career as a South African sign language interpreter
D) East siiiiiide!
E) All of the above


Ken O'Brien, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Super Bowl Studs Week No. 3)

Name: Ken O'Brien
Team: New York Jets
Position: Quarterback
Value of card: 3 pounds of monkey dung
Key 1990 stat: 10 balls
Green with envy: Ken O'Brien might look like a Ken doll, but he was so much more. He was drafted in the first round of the famed 1983 draft that produced such legendary quarterbacks as Dan Marino, Jim Kelly and John Elway. A Ken doll can't say that. He was elected to the College Football Hall of Fame after playing at agriculture powerhouse UC Davis. A Ken doll can't say that. He won the inaugural NFL Quarterback Challenge that measured the physical skills of some of football's best passers in ways that didn't matter in games. A Ken doll can't say that. And, as evidenced above, he had balls. A Ken doll definitely can't say that.


Joe Namath, 1973 Topps (Football Friday No. 173)

Name: Joe Namath
Team: New York Jets
Position: Quarterback
Value of card: "Ask your sister," Namath says
Key 1972 stat: "Ask your mother," Namath says
Joe Namath's nickname was "Broadway"; here are some plays he starred in:
  • "Miss Saigon (Did Her)"
  • "A Chorus Line (Nailed Them All)"
  • "Beauty and the Beast (Hey, It was a Long Night)"
  • "Hello, Dolly! (Well Hello)"
  • "My Fair Lady (Cough, Cough, Not So Fair)"
  • "Mary Poppins (Hey-o!)"
  • "Mamma Mia! (Nothin' Wrong with a Little Age, Ya Know?)"
  • "Jersey Boys (Sorry, Fellas, No Chance)"
  • "Annie (Check)"
  • "Aida (Check)"
  • "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (Ahem)"
  • "Evita (Who Doesn't Like a Little Latina Flava?)"
  • "Dreamgirls (Story of My Life)"
  • "Cats (Hey, I was in Thailand)"



Chris Farasopoulos, 1973 Topps (Football Friday No. 150)

Name: Chris Farasopoulos
Team: New York Jets
Position: Safety
Value of card: Jet exhaust, inhaled
Key 1973 stat: Ripped the collar off a turtleneck, wore it as a neckband
That's "Mr. Farasopoulos" to you: Here are six ways that Jets coach Weeb Ewbank mispronounced this guy's last name.
  • Afro-soup-loss
  • Farrah Fawcett
  • Fara-stopwatch
  • Four-iron-suplex
  • Hippopotamus
  • Fara ... Fara ... Forget it, go sit on the bench



Al Toon, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Pro Line Week No. 4)

Name: Al Toon
Team: New York Jets
Position: Wide receiver
Value of card: Under par, but in a bad way
Key 1990 stat: He'll take a mulligan
Toon's scorecard for his golf round, June 14, 1990:
Hole No. 1: 6 (inches cut off his sleeves)
Hole No. 2: 5 (hours staring at nothing)
Hole No. 3: 4 (minutes arranging what he referred to as "the front nine")
Hole No. 4: 16 (inches of socks when unfurled)
Hole No. 5: 7 (insults about outfit yelled by playing partner)
Hole No. 6: 5 (jokes about "holes")
Hole No. 7: 4 ('toons watched in the clubhouse by Toon)
Hole No. 8: 2 (pairs of shorts, which is one too many)
Hole No. 9: 7 (length, in inches, of spandex shorts)
Hole No. 10: 3 (haircuts a week to keep flattop looking so smooth)
Hole No. 11: 6 (minutes on the course before Toon changed into this outfit)
Hole No. 12: 5 (ounces of sweat squeezed from wristband)
Hole No. 13: 2 (caddies blinded from the shine from Toon's legs)
Hole No. 14: 5 (references to working on his "putts")
Hole No. 15: 4 (childhoods scarred by this card)
Hole No. 16: 3 (birdies, shoved down his pants)
Hole No. 17: 2 ("huevos" displayed for the world to see)
Hole No. 18: 1 (of the most ridiculous bulges ever photographed)


Marvin Jones, 1993 Pro Line Portraits (Football Friday No. 39)

Name: Marvin "Shade Tree" Jones
Teams: New York Jets, Oak Branches
Positions: Linebacker, shade provider
Value of card: Four twigs, set afire, stomped out, and then buried
Key 1990 stat: 48-inch girth
Marvin Jones' stream of consciousness, 10:12 to 10:14 a.m. Aug. 15, 1993: "I can't believe these Pro Line idiots made me climb a tree. OK. I get it. My nickname is 'Shade Tree.' But this demeans me and my on-the-field accomplishments. And it's such an tired pun. What does he mean my Zubaz pants are clashing with the foliage? These are the most radical pants on the market. I wear them everywhere: the locker room, the club, MC Hammer music videos. I'm not taking them off for anyone. Good thing I wore my bodacious high-tops today. They're great for climbing trees. Wait. Why am I perched in these branches, staring toward the horizon? These Pro Line photo shoots are ridiculous. It's not like they'd make Mark Clayton climb a goal post or have Charles Mann take off his shirt. Hold up. Did that guy over there just make a 'Roots' joke? I oughta ..."



Ronnie Lott, 1994 Coke Monsters of the Gridiron (Halloween Week No. 6)

Name: Ronnie Lott, aka The Rattler
Team: Boo York Jets
Position: Safety
Fright value of card: Scale of 1 to 10, 2 scales
Key 1993 splat: 10 lady's fingernails
Knowing is half the rattle: Ronnie Lott had a Hall of Fame football career, but he had trouble coping with the void brought by retirement. He tried golf, volunteering and cribbage, but nothing could replace football. Then he was bit by a garter snake and he soon fell in with the wrong crowd. Over the course of a few months his skin began turning green. He started playing pick-up basketball games with Destro, a handsome guy who took bling to the next level. Lott started dating Ruth Baroness, a strong-minded, raven-haired woman with glasses and a 4-inch waist. Lott often found himself at the bar with unsavory characters such as Major Bludd and Doctor Mindbender. During this time, Lott's body was going through changes. he grew a tail, a long tongue and lady's hands. He talked with his new friends, and they told him he looked good. They said he should change his name to The Rattler, and Lott agreed. But when The Rattler asked to join his friends' beer league softball team, called the Cobras, he was told the team's manager, Cobra Commander, said there was no room. The team had a player just like him.



Joe Klecko, 1986 Topps (Football Friday No. 14)

Name: Joe Klecko
Team: New York Jets
Positions: Nose tackle, monster
Value of card: One $5 gift card to Barnes & Noble
Key 1985 stat: One fivehead
It's alive: Jets coach Joe Walton needed a nose tackle in 1985, but no one on his roster fit the bill. An abundance of linebackers, ends and copies of Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein" left the coach with but one choice: building his own runstopper. He surreptitiously signed a handful of undrafted rookie free agents and harvested their best features, including three foreheads, to create the best nose tackle in the league. Kleckostein, despite having eyes without pupils, dominated the league, recording 7 1/2 sacks and frightening everyone around him. But upon discovering the horrific truth at the end of the season, NFL Commissioner Pete Rozelle ordered Walton to destroy his inhuman creation. Walton refused, instead fleeing with Kleckostein one night to the wilds of northern Canada. The two live there to this day, tackling moose, bears and caribou to make ends meet.