Showing posts with label Deion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Deion. Show all posts


Deion Sanders, 1993 Skybox Premium (Football Friday No. 223)

Name: Deion Sanders
Team: Atlanta Falcons
Position: Cornerback
Value of card: It's slightly exaggerated
Key 1993 stat: Crapped bigger than a city bus
Ways in which Deionzilla destroyed Atlanta:
  • Caused a massive dust storm by running so fast
  • Crushed 14 skyscrapers by high-stepping
  • Flooded entire city blocks with his hair product
  • Started four-alarm fires by reflecting the sun's rays off his necklaces
  • Drove thousands to insanity with his incessant talk (OK, regular Deion did that, too.)



Deion Sanders, 1998 Score

Name: Deion Sanders
Team: Cincinnati Reds
Position: Outfield
Value of card: It's in the red
Key 1997 stat: 72 hours spent fake stretching
It's time for a "Prime Time" pop quiz:

What's the biggest stretch on this card?

(A) Those shades.
(B) Deion's attempt at a pregame work ethic.
(C) Deion as a baseball player.
(D) That dude in the back right clearly doing whatever he can to make a mockery of this card.
(E) All of the above.


Deion Sanders, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Super Bowl Studs Week No. 7)

Name: Deion Sanders
Team: Atlanta Falcons
Position: Cornerback
Value of card: One three-pound dumbbell, melted down
Key 1992 stat: Zero sweat
A brief recap of Deion Sanders' weekly workout routine, circa 1992:

  • Monday: Lifting 40 pounds of gold necklaces over his head, wearing them for the rest of the day
  • Tuesday: 1 set of 20 chest presses followed by 20 minutes of staring at a poster of himself dressed as a pimp (seen in background and here)
  • Wednesday: Running 3 miles in a multi-colored track suit, then getting a helicopter ride home
  • Thursday: Rest; weekly hair appointment
  • Friday: Four hours of playing baseball poorly
  • Saturday: Tackling practice. Ha ha, just kidding. He probably lifted some weights or something.
  • Sunday: High stepping, dancing, and repeat



Deion Sanders, 1992 Classic

Name: Deion Sanders
Team: Atlanta Braves
Position: Outfield
Value of card: It's still dropping
Key 1991 stat: Still not good at baseball
Get to the choppa: What's our buddy Deion Sanders dropping in on?

A) The 1992 Hideous Tracksuit Convention
B) The 1992 Atlanta Thumps-Up Championship
C) The jewelry store      he clearly needs another gold anklet
D) A rally of Braves fans who want him to just play football
E) The taping of a news story about people who wear stupid hats


Deion Sanders, 1992 Upper Deck

Name: Deion Sanders
Teams: Atlanta Braves, Atlanta Falcons
Positions: Outfield, cornerback, hip-hop star
Value of card: One gold-plated money sign necklace
Key 1991 stat: 12 interceptions (of pitch-outs)
Deion Sanders, By the Numbers:

186: Career stolen bases
187: Pager code sent to fellow two-sport star Bo Jackson
188: Pieces of gold worn in one month's time
112: Weight of Deion's ego, in metric tons
17: Times Deion referred to himself in the third person in one sentence, June 16, 1991
4: Deions on this card
4: Deion mirror reflections that Deion used to style Deion's hair
2: Atlanta sports teams on which Deion played
2: Legitimate solo tackles Deion made in 1992
1: More Deion on this card than on this card
0: No. 1 hip-hop hits, despite his efforts


Deion Sanders, 1991 Upper Deck (Football Friday No. 19)

Name: Deion Sanders
Team: Atlanta Falcons
Position: Cornerback
Value of card: One Trapper Keeper
Key 1991 stat: Two Prime Times
For the children: In an effort to save money in 1991, Upper Deck did away with hiring professional artists for its illustrated cards, instead letting employees' children do the honors. Here we see 13-year-old Vance Wells' rendering of Deion "Prime Time" Sanders. Sure, Deion appears to have a fake left arm made of oak and a smile like that of a ventriloquist's dummy, but, dang it, little Vance worked hard on this. His middle school art classes really paid off on his towel drawings, and there is very little bleeding in the "PRIME TIME" stenciling. Plus, the penmanship on Deion's headband is at least worth a B. You know, for Bust.


Deion Sanders, 1992 Skybox Pimp Insert (Football Friday, No. 1)

Name: "Neon" Deion "Prime Time" Sanders
Team: Atlanta Falcons
Position: Cornerback, King of Slop
Value of card: $$
Key 1991 stat: Three Deions
Headline: The King of Pop dies at 50
A thriller on the field: They say there are no new ideas. They say average artists borrow; great artists steal. They say style is truth. If these statements are true, a small part of Deion Sanders died yesterday, June 25, when Michael Jackson succumbed to a heart attack. "Neon" Deion Sanders was a flamboyant athlete from Florida State University who played professional football and baseball. He was known, in this order, for his brash sense of style, his football skills and his minimal baseball IQ. By looking at the above card, it's obvious Sanders stole his fashion identity from Michael Jackson. Both adored leather jackets, gold and ridiculous hats. But Deion Sanders and Michael Jackson had more in common than style. Michael Jackson sang "Smooth Criminal." Deion Sanders is a criminal. Michael Jackson sang "Bad." Deion Sanders was bad at baseball. Michael Jackson sang "Man in the Mirror." In 1992, Deion Sanders got stuck in a house of mirrors (see above). Michael Jackson sang "P.Y.T." Deion Sanders was, by all accounts, a P.Y.T. in the early 1990s. But the strongest connection between the two should be obvious: They both made music that defined a generation.