Showing posts with label Vest. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vest. Show all posts


Slick, 1990 Classic WWF (Pro Wrestling Week No. 7)

Name: Slick
From: Fort Worth, Texas
Signature move: Using his cane as a weapon
Value of card: A feather      not the one in his hat, one that has been on the ground for a week
Key 1990 stat: By far the best-dressed man at any WWF event
A man of all parts: Kenneth "Slick" Johnson has played many roles in his life      pro wrestling manager, haberdasher, doctor (of style), sunglasses model, international playboy, and reverend. But perhaps his brightest moment came in 1987, when he was featured on the multiplatinum "Piledriver: The Wrestling Album 2" with his hit "Jive Soul Bro." What better way to wrap up Pro Wrestling Week than with a song? Take it away, Slick.


Jack McDowell, 1992 Pinnacle Sidelines (Pinnacle Sidelines Week No. 5)

Name: Jack McDowell
Team: Chicago White Sox
Position: Ace (of Base)
Value of card: Two drink tickets at McDowell's concert (you're gonna need them)
Key 1991 stat: 42 times talked to an angel
10 early 1990s alt-rock stories that could have applied to rocker-pitcher Jack McDowell:
10) He covered Bryan Adams' "(Everything I Do) I Do It for You" while wearing a conch-shell necklace.
9) He did a college radio commercial during which he just sighed in different tones for 30 seconds.
8) He moved to Seattle, then realized he didn't play for the Mariners.
7) He gave Alanis Morissette a "jagged little pill," if you know what we mean.
6) He "totally wrote the words 'mellon collie and infinite sadness' on a bar napkin three years — three full years, bro — before those corporate-sellout hacks the Smashing Pumpkins used it as an album title."
5) He did MTV's "Unplugged" — in his own garage.
4) He often complained, in a beaten-down tone, that the mainstream just didn't understand his goatee.
3) He had to be rushed to a hospital after nearly drowning in flannel.
2) He once stormed off the stage because a 43-year-old mother of four in the front row was wearing the same vest as him.
1) He and his band, Stickfigure, reached the "pinnacle" of their career when they played at The Peach Pit After Dark in the background of a "Beverly Hills 90210" episode.


Jeff Montgomery, 1998 Topps Opening Day

Name: Jeff Montgomery
Team: Kansas City Firemen Royals
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: Smoke inhalation
Key 1997 stat: Pulled the fire alarm 27 times as a prank
Safety first, kids: The honchos at Topps probably thought this card was pretty funny, but we see several fire code (and good taste) violations in the photo. Therefore, we see no choice but to assess some fines.
  • $50 for removing the only fire extinguisher in the building and using it as a prop.
  • $150 for having Jeff Montgomery make inappropriate gestures with the extinguisher's hose and nozzle.
  • $25 for Photoshoping flames on Montgomery's chest, defeating the purpose of him being a fireman or whatever.
  • $65 for Montgomery not strapping down his hair helmet.
  • $1,000 for subjecting us to a photo of Montgomery wearing a sleeveless, snap-down vest with no shirt underneath. Creepy.
Card submitted by Fat Shawn Kemp.


Doug Gilmour, 1992-93 Pinnacle Sidelines (Hockey Week No. 2)

Name: Doug Gilmour
Team: Toronto Maple Leafs
Positions: Center, forward (With the ladies, a forward center.)
Value of card: Three bags of dust
Key 1991-92 stat: 136 days playing dress-up
10 explanations for Gilmour being dressed like this, given that the Pinnacle Sidelines series highlights what players do in the offseason:
10) Gilmour appeared in the off-off-off Broadway play "Sticks and Chaps."
9) Gilmour enjoyed eating 3 Musketeers chocolate bars — a little too much.
8) Gilmour, when not playing in the NHL, played for the Novosibirsk Buckaroos of the Russian Federation Hockey League.
7) Gilmour needed an excuse to wear your sister's underpants around his neck.
6) Gilmour, even when not in season, was always looking for a hat trick.
5) Gilmour starred in a spaghetti western — a Chef Boyardee commercial.
4) Gilmour was the star of Toronto's 12th annual Zamboni Rodeo
3) Sambora envy.
2) Gilmour's mullet gained consciousness, took over its host's mind, and started making all the fashion decisions.
1) In Canada in 1992, you didn't need an explanation for dressing like this.