Showing posts with label Kmart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kmart. Show all posts


Ron Gant, 1988 Topps Kmart Dream Team

Name: Ron Gant
Teams: Atlanta Braves, Dream Team
Position: Outfield
Value of card: 35-cent coupon to Kmart
Key 1987 stat: 27 "blue-light specials" (wink, wink)
A sampling of Ron Gant's dreams circa 1988:
  • He dreamed he had a flowing mullet that angels kissed and fairies stroked.
  • He dreamed he was falling — into great prices at his local Kmart superstore.
  • He dreamed he was a sex symbol whose muscular physique led millions of new fans to appreciate the game of "hardball."
  • He dreamed he was a man with an incredibly short full name, Ron Gan.
  • He dreamed he showed up to a baseball game wearing his Sunday's best belt.
  • He dreamed his pencil-thin mustache grew as bushy as the ivy at Wrigley Field.
  • He dreamed he was part of an incredible team of dream athletes, a Dream Team, if you will.



Paul Gibson, 1988 Topps Kmart Dream Team

Name: Paul Gibson
Teams: Detroit Tigers, Kmart Nerd Dream Team
Position: Starting pitcher
Value of card: Fair exchange for two pocket protectors
Key 1987 stat: One nerd championship
The 1988 Kmart Nerd Dream Team complete set:

Starting pitcher: Paul "Fourteen Eyes" Gibson
Relief pitcher: Apple founder Steve Jobs
First base: Comic Book Guy from "The Simpsons"
Second base: Timothy Busfield from "Revenge of the Nerds"
Third base: Billy Mitchell from "King of Kong" (Perfect "Pac-Man" game)
Shortstop: This guy
Left field: Microsoft founder Bill Gates
Center field: Steve Urkel from "Family Matters"
Right field: Dustin Diamond from "Saved By the Bell"



Jose Canseco, 1990 Topps Kmart Super Stars

Name: Jose Canseco
Team: Oakland A's
Position: Outfield
Value of card: Blue Light Special sale price: $Dung
Key 1989 stat: 26-inch mullet
Fun Facts about Kmart and Jose Canseco:
  • Kmart offers deals to customers. Canseco offers deals for performance-enhancing drugs.
  • Kmart caters to the working class. Canseco has no class, working or otherwise.
  • Kmart sells toddler-size T-shirts. Canseco is wearing one.
  • Kmart once had Blue Light Specials. Canseco once had "something special" in the red light district.
  • Kmart is an upfront business. Canseco's hair is business up front, party in the back.
  • Kmart used to advertise Jordache jeans. So did Canseco.