Showing posts with label 1992 Bowman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 1992 Bowman. Show all posts

2.23.2014

Ryan Hawblitzel, 1992 Bowman (Return of Bowman Fashion Week No. 7)


Name: Ryan Hawblitzel
Team: Chicago Cubs
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: Zero (fashion) cents
Key 1991 stat: 221 hours practicing the "thumbs in the jeans pockets" look
Today's fashion model: Here we have Ryan Hawblitzel, an ace when it came to style (and style alone). No one in the big leagues sported minor-league outfits with such pride and pizazz. A collared sweatshirt tucked into jeans? Why not? A player known for his exploits on the diamond wearing a shirt of intersecting diamonds? Of course. A guy who looks like an actor standing in front of a housing development pond and acting like he's the coolest guy in high school? You bet. Don't question fashion maven Ryan Hawblitzel, a minor-leaguer with big-league style.
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2.22.2014

Felipe Crespo, 1992 Bowman (Return of Bowman Fashion Week No. 6)


Name: Felipe Crespo
Team: Toronto Blue Jays
Position: Outfield
Value of card: Even trade for a Mervyns $5 off coupon that expired in 1996
Key 1991 stat: 32 pinstripes (not the Yankees variety)
Today's fashion model: Here we have Felipe Crespo, who, it appears, has been thrown in fashion jail. Why was he thrown in fashion jail? Perhaps it's all those pinstripes, including the one that's plastered across his forehead in the form of eyebrows. Or maybe it's that belt, which he might have borrowed from Crocodile Dundee. Or maybe it's your grandpa's trousers that he's wearing. Nope, we got it: It's all of the above.
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2.21.2014

Doug Linton, 1992 Bowman (Return of Bowman Fashion Week No. 5)


Name: Doug Linton
Team: Toronto Blue Jays
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: Two Easter eggs with dead chicks inside
Key 1991 stat: 52 Sundays at church
Today's fashion model: Here we have Doug Linton, a good boy who always listened to his mother when it came to his fashion choices in the early 1990s. Dougie made sure he tucked in his shirt and ironed his khakis every day. On Sundays, he would dress nicely for church, but he saved his best pastel shirt for Easter. Above, we see him after the Easter service and family IHOP brunch, when his parents drove him to the local Sears for the annual springtime shoot. Soon after this photo was taken, lil' Dougie got his reward for being such a good boy: a chance to sit on the Easter Bunny's lap and feel his eggs.
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2.20.2014

Jeff Jackson, 1992 Bowman (Return of Bowman Fashion Week No. 4)


Name: Jeff Jackson
Teams: Philadelphia Phillies, "A Different World" cast
Position: Outfield
Value of card: That coin hanging from Jackson's neck
Key 1991 stat: 26 minutes posing in front of a paint crew's truck
Today's fashion model: Here we have Jeff Jackson, who was, obviously, a colorful guy. When Jackson was asked to explain his fashion style, he projectile-vomited after eating a rainbow-color snow cone and everyone agreed he nailed his explanation. When he mistakenly entered the Federal Institute for the Blind, 12 men wearing dark glasses and being led around by service dogs turned to him and said, "That's a hideous shirt." When he walked into a geometry class, the teacher hung Jackson's shirt on the blackboard and said, "Study that." When he stopped to look at a graffiti artist's mural, the wall slunk away in embarrassment. When he tried to buy stereo equipment, the workers asked him to turn down the volume on his shirt. So here's to Jeff Jackson, the brightest guy in the room.
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2.19.2014

Dave Doorneweerd, 1992 Bowman (Return of Bowman Fashion Week No. 3)


Name: Dave Doorneweerd
Team: Augusta Pirates
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: Two chicken legs (like Dave's      not actual food)
Key 1991 stat: One funky last name
Today's fashion model: Here we have Dave Doorneweerd, and while his name may be "weerd" indeed, his taste in clothing is impeccable. Dave appears to pondering the depths of fashion while wearing a multicolored polo shirt that has been through the wash approximately 2,083 times. Sure, it's a little faded now, but when that baby was new, it could be seen from space. Some style experts may say that four colors is too many when it comes to casual wear, but Dave proves that theory wrong. Sadly, this photo fails to show us what, if anything, this young pitcher is wearing below the waist. Whatever it is, you can tell that Mr. Doorneweerd isn't afraid to show a little skin. Keep up the bold choices, Dave, and we're sure the majors will be calling any day now!
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2.18.2014

Damon Buford, 1992 Bowman (Return of Bowman Fashion Week No. 2)


Name: Damon Buford
Team: Baltimore Orioles
Position: Outfield
Value of card: A case of poison ivy
Key 1991 stat: Two shades of gray
Today's fashion model: Today we have Damon Buford, a center fielder who might have a few holes in his swing, but doesn't have any in his wardrobe. Damon is looking dapper, wearing a suit that he made himself out of the drapes from his parents' bedroom. Even repurposed, those curtains still hang elegantly. Damon scoffs at the notion that belts need to be "tight" or "hold things up." Instead, he has taken an airplane seat belt and wrapped it nonchalantly around his waist. Touch矇! And Damon's brand new black mock-turtleneck completes his look, which resembles something a not-very-talented jazz musician might wear. With this much style, there's no doubt that Damon is "da man."
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2.17.2014

Joe Perona, 1992 Bowman (Return of Bowman Fashion Week No. 1)

Name: Joe Perona
Team: Lakeland Tigers 
Position: Catcher
Value of card: An empty bottle of Peroni
Key 1991 stat: Due to fair skin, unable to stand in the sun for more than five minutes
Spring training + spring fashion = the return of a classic: A few months back, the Bust set the fashion world on its head with Bowman Fashion Week, seven days' worth of cards from the 1992 Bowman set featuring a bunch of rookies and minor-leaguers wearing atrocious clothing. It was so popular, traffic to our site more than doubled, garnering up to 20 visitors per day. Hey, we're not ones to mess with success, so cover your eyeballs      it's time for more early '90s style.

Today's fashion model: Here we see Detroit Tigers draft choice Joe Perona taking a break in the shade. Too bad, Joe      your clothes are still hot! Joe's wearing an oversize button-down that incorporates every color known to man. And yes, those buttons do go all the way up. What's that you say? The pattern looks like somebody threw this shirt into the dryer with a bag of Skittles? Well, it's time to taste the rainbow! The bagginess of Joe's shirt is a tactical choice, covering his underdeveloped biceps and girlish waist, thus making him look more like an actual athlete. Downstairs, Joe's wearing a pair of his dad's Dockers and his only belt, a classic black number that he's had since he was 14. And while Joe will never make it past AA in baseball, that black leather wristwatch is ready for The Show. Cheers to you Joe      looking like this, you'll never be Perona non grata!


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10.24.2013

Calvin Reese, 1992 Bowman


Name: Calvin Reese
Team: Cincinnati Reds
Position: Second base
Value of card: 48 hairs on the ground after making a flat top line
Key 1991 stat: 287,971 times called "Pokey" in his career; one time called "Calvin"
It's time for a kid-friendly pop quiz:

What was Calvin "Pokey" Reese doing 20 minutes before this photo was taken?

(A) Watching Saturday morning cartoons
(B) Eating cereal with marshmallow monsters in it
(C) Changing out of his Little League uniform
(D) Convincing his mom he was really going to a baseball card photo shoot
(E) All of the above
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8.29.2013

Joe Sondrini, 1992 Bowman


Name: Joe Sondrini
Team: Pittsburgh Pirates (or at least he was on his way there)
Position: Infield
Value of card: See that sign? It's yours. Even trade.
Key 1991 stat: 232 days waiting on the side of a country road for the team to pick him up
It's time for a hitchhiking pop quiz:

If Sondrini, a career minor-leaguer, never made it to Pittsburgh, where did he end up?

(A) At the Jerry Seinfeld School of 1990s Fashion
(B) Back home, a relative disappointment
(C) At the Reebok Pumps factory
(D) Nerd-burgh
(E) Nowhere; he's still waiting along that country road
(F) On a mediocre sports card blog
(G) All of the above
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8.24.2013

Salomon Torres, 1992 Bowman


Name: Salomon Torres
Team: San Francisco Giants
Positions: Pitcher, pitch man
Value of card: 3 ounces of 2-week-old leftover coffee grounds
Key 1991 stat: Zero of his high school sophomore year classes attended
Advertisement (mostly translated) for Dominican Republic beisbols, circa 1991: "Howdy, beisbol fans. I'm 15-year-old Salomon Torres, one of the Dominican Republic's brightest pitching prospects, and I'm here to tell you about beisbols. You might not have ever seen one of these round, white beisbols. We all grew up playing with rocks, rolled-up corn husks or goat feces wrapped in string, but now we have beisbols, the revolutionary invention that will allow us to become even better players in that hellhole to the north, Los Estados Unidos. So put down the dung and grab a beisbol, kid. In two years, with a little bit of 'bols, you might just be the next Salomon Torres."
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8.05.2013

Greg Blosser, 1992 Bowman


Name: Greg Blosser
Team: Boston Red Sox
Position: Outfield
Value of card: Six bottle caps flattened with a steamroller and stuck in asphalt
Key 1991 stat: 46 resumes submitted
10 reasons Greg Blosser didn't get the job at the local cellphone store:
10) He forgot to wear pants to the interview.
9) The interviewer was afraid of invisible facial hair.
8) The diamond on his shirt pocket read, "Bosses are for suckers."
7) He said he would only sell "the Zack Morris special."
6) Two words: mullet intimidation.
5) He shouldn't have submitted a Sears portrait in place of a resume
4) His Arizona jeans collared shirt interfered with cellphone reception.
3) The interviewer didn't like that he partied, even if it was only a party in the back and business in the front.
2) His grandfather interrupted the interview and asked for his tie back.
1) He said he played baseball; the interviewer laughed him out of the room.
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8.01.2013

Alex Gonzalez, 1992 Bowman


Name: Alex Gonzalez
Team: Toronto Blue Jays
Position: Shortstop
Value of card: 10 of those shirt collar "stays" you're always losing
Key 1991 stat: 44 "Saved by the Bell" episodes watched
It's time for a 1990s-licious pop quiz:

Why did teenager Alex Gonzalez wear that tie?

(A) His mom told him to.
(B) To distract people from his shirt.
(C) It was Sears catalog photo shoot day.
(D) He wanted to prove his patriotism with something brighter than fireworks.
(E) He had an uproarious sense of humor.
(F) All of the above
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7.28.2013

Rheal Cormier, 1992 Bowman


Name: Rheal Cormier
Team: St. Louis Cardinals
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: 0.3 ounces of cardinal crap scratched off your shoulder
Key 1991 stat: One bird barely sneaking onto the card
Here's what Rheal Cormier stands for:

Real name; make that, "Rheal" name
Haircut is Little Boys No. 5
Even the cardinal looks ashamed to be on this card
Awkward grin was actually his best look
Lighting in this photo signals amateur photography

Circle change is the only pitch he could throw, apparently
Often told teammates to "keep it Rheal"
Rigid hat looks like it's made of cardboard
Meticulous grooming habits are something ...
Important to Cardinals other than Cormier
ERA was so high, it didn't seem "Rheal"
Right, that joke never gets old
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7.04.2013

Ryan Long, 1992 Bowman


Name: Ryan Long
Team: Kansas City Royals
Position: Outfield
Value of card: 16 rotten oranges
Key 1991 stat: One high school senior portrait used on a baseball card
Ryan Long's dating profile, circa 1991:

Screen name: LongGone25
Age: 18
Height: 6 feet 2 and growing
Weight: 190 pounds and drowning in muscles
Hair color: Brunette
Hairstyle: Fresh
Ethnicity: As white as they come
Want children? Still a child
Past relationships: Dated Kelly Kapowski
Best feature: Shades
Smoke? Cigarettes aren't cool, dude
Drink? You don't have to drink to be radical

Seeking: Pretty, popular girls
Location: High school
Her height: A-plus
Her body type: Cheerleader
Her ethnicity: As white as me

About me: Hey, babes. Ryan here. I'm just a cool dude looking for a chica to be at my side. I'm pretty much the most popular guy in school, and I'm looking for a girl who's just as popular — and not make-believe. I like to cruise around in my red Camaro, make fun of nerds, shoot hoops with the bros, and wear my sunglasses at night. I hope you're cool — and hot — enough to do those things with me. Catch ya later, skater.
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6.26.2013

Domingo Jean, 1992 Bowman


Name: Domingo Jean
Team: New York Yankees
Positions: Pitcher, movie villain
Value of card: Not nearly as high as this guy's hair
Key career stat: Won one more MLB game than we did
Try this at home: Here's how to make your very own Domingo Jean (not that you'd want to):

5 parts May Day from "A View to a Kill"
2 parts Donatella Versace (namely, her upper lip and lower lip)
1 part film from a VHS cassette of "Coneheads"
1 part rum
1 JCPenney catalog, shredded

Mix the first three ingredients roughly on a Sunday in the Dominican Republic. Sprinkle with the shredded catalog pages, then send the concoction to New York. Drink the rum and try to pretend that you never saw the finished product. Realize that some things, once seen, cannot be unseen. Then, shudder uncontrollably, and you're all done!
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6.17.2013

Paul Byrd, 1992 Bowman


Name: Paul Byrd
Team: Cleveland Indians
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: Free skee-ball game at Chuck E. Cheese
Key 1991 stat: Got owned in Tecmo Bowl 1,644 times
Cleveland Indians' scouting report on draft pick Paul Byrd: "I realize we're looking toward the future, but should we really be drafting 12-year-olds? ... Eats out of the same bowl his mom uses to cut his hair, which is both efficient and disgusting. ... Has a nice Uncle Charlie. No, not a curve ball      he has an uncle named Charlie who drives him to school every day. ... Hopefully, he'll be here for spring training. From the looks of this photo, he was last seen entering the Tron world via a JCPenney portrait studio. ... The kid seemed a little disappointed that our uniforms didn't include more denim. ... Needs to improve: change-up, pick-off move, bedwetting."
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5.30.2013

Braulio Castillo, 1992 Bowman


Name: Braulio Castillo
Team: Philadelphia Phillies
Positions: Outfielder, suave pirate
Value of card: Two diamonds (silhouetted against the wall in the background)
Key 1991 stat: 172 swordfights won
Well, hello there: This is Braulio Castillo       athlete, sailor, paramour, rapscallion. He was a man who could sail the seven seas and play all nine innings, and he called no man "master." With a gold bracelet on one wrist and a leather-banded watch on the other, this Dominican Don Juan stole as many hearts as he did gold doubloons, and won nights of passion with admirers of all races, creeds and genders. But when he traded in his sword for a baseball bat in 1991, only misfortune followed. A man who had seemingly never missed before found himself hitting just .188 over the course of two MLB seasons. The Dread Braulio, as he was known on the open water, had become the dead Braulio to Phillies fans. So Castillo did what any sane man would do: He packed up his trunk of booty, put on his puffiest white shirt, Soul-Glo'd his hair to its shiniest and returned to his true love       the life of a playboy buccaneer.
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5.27.2013

Cliff Floyd, 1992 Bowman


Name: Cliff Floyd
Team: Montreal Expos
Position: Outfield
Value of card: 50 cents on his 40, homie
Key 1991 stat: Walked outside his house dressed like that without falling on his face in embarrassment
Cliff Floyd dunked a baseball in 1992; some of his other athletic accomplishments:
  • He kicked a field goal with a soccer ball.
  • He threw a pingpong ball into a soccer net.
  • He beat a fully outfitted hockey goalie in a potato sack race.
  • He slowly fanned himself with a tennis racquet to cool down.
  • He won a horse race during a polo match.
  • He ate a badminton shuttlecock without getting ill. 

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5.08.2013

Joe Randa, 1992 Bowman Foil


Name: Joe Randa
Teams: Kansas City Royals; Kmart teen model talent pool
Positions: Third base; posing
Value of card: 1/100th of an ounce of fake gold foil
Key 1991 stat: 14 catalog spreads
Here's what Joe Randa stands for:

Jeans were as tight as his turtleneck was mocked
Obsession cologne overdose could have killed a family of skunks
Everyman look starts with a sweet white-boy wave

Rugby jersey straight from Sears' Cherokee line
Acid-washed jeans drove the ladies wild
Nondenominational church belt shows a touch of class
Dumb look on his face was part of the ensemble
Another example of studly 1990s style
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4.18.2013

Garret Anderson, 1992 Bowman


Name: Garret Anderson
Team: California Angels
Positions: Outfield, pitchman
Value of card: Coupon for 1 percent off at shuttered Athlete's Foot
Key 1991 stat: 229 self-portraits
Transcript from Los Angeles-area late-night TV Nike Jordan commercial, circa 1992: "Hello, L.A. Garret Anderson here, for Nike Jordan athletic gear. When you want to dress to impress, get fitted for the gym and the club, there's no better brand than Nike Jordan. I wear Jordan wherever I go. In fact, I like Jordan so much I'm not getting paid for this commercial. Actually, Nike and MJ himself have no idea I'm doing this ad. Um ... to be honest ... um ... I'm shooting this in my parents' basement wearing my dad's Adidas workout pants. Well, I might as well come clean: This isn't even my shirt, and I might get sued for airing this commercial. But that won't stop me from saying: When you want to catch real air, pick Jordan."
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