Showing posts with label Larry Bird. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Larry Bird. Show all posts


Larry Bird, 1992-93 Upper Deck Basketball Heroes (Another Freakin' Basketball Week No. 6)

Name: Larry Bird
Teams: Indiana State Sycamores, Boston Celtics
Positions: Forward, trend setter
Value of card: Three squirts of milk from farm boy Larry Bird's cow
Key 1991-92 stat: 1,281 Indiana hillbilly stereotypes satisfied
10 reasons Larry Bird is a fashion icon:
10) Off the court, this Bird always wore feathers.
9) No other all-Americans' mamas' made their uniforms.
8) He mixed thighs and white meat.
7) He rocked Starter jackets like no one's business.
6) He finished his outfit with on-the-court roller skates.
5) Socks on his legs and in his shorts.
4) Women in the early 1980s began lusting over knobby knees.
3) He patented the "bucket cut" when the bowl cut just wasn't enough.
2) He made it acceptable to flaunt an invisible mustache.
1) Pale became the new black.


Larry Bird, 1992-93 Upper Deck Basketball Heroes (Another (face-palm) Basketball Week No. 1)

Name: Larry Bird
Team: Boston Celtics
Position: Forward (Right, ladies?)
Value of card: Lots of green
Key 1991-92 stat: 16-inch zipper
Welcome to Another (face-palm) Basketball Week: It's March Madness, the time of year when we all get in touch with our inner degenerate gambler, and we're marking the occasion with a week of some of basketball's most ridiculous cards from the 1980s and 1990s. Get ready for seven days of blinding jackets, detestable illustrations and some of the whitest white dudes you've ever seen. It's Another Basketball Week (face-palm).
Transcript from nationwide Starter apparel television commercial, circa 1980: "Hey, kids. (swish sounds) I'm 1979-80 NBA Rookie of the Year Larry Bird, and I'm a starter. (swish sounds) You know what makes a starter? It starts with the jacket. It has to be bold. It has to be tight. It has to be blindingly shiny. (swish sounds) You know what else makes a starter? A mop of blond curls. (swish sounds) Hands that have been smashed by a hammer. (swish sounds) A six-hair invisible mustache. (swish sounds) A pair of bloodflow-restricting Lee brand jeans. (swish sounds) You want to be a starter? Get yourself a Starter jacket. (swish sounds) Starter: It begins with style and ends with a swish."


Michael Jordan and Larry Bird, 1992-93 Upper Deck Fanimation (Air Jordan Week No. 6)

Names: Michael Jordan, Larry Bird
Teams: Chicago Bulls, Boston Celtics
Positions: Shooting guard, small forward
Value of card: 33 / 23 = 1.43 cents
10 other names for the duo of "Birdman and Agent 23":
10) The Skintight Superheroes
9) N.B.A. (Never Been Art)
8) Spewer of Purple Goo and Dr. No Feet
7) The Not-So Fantastic Two
6) Air Beneath His Wings
5) Blonde and Bald Connection
4) The Ball Handlers
3) The Dynamic Bulges
2) The Ambiguously Drawn Duo
1) Ebony and Ivory