Mel Gray, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Football Friday No. 92)

Name: Mel Gray
Team: Detroit Lions (trust us)
Position: Kick returner
Value of card: One commemorative T-shirt
Key 1991 stat: Too fast for his own good
Mel Gray's dating profile, circa 1991:

Name: ProBowler1
Age: Old enough to know better, still too young to care
Height: Like my socks, pretty tall
Weight: 170 pounds — when I'm clothed
Hair color: A black blur
Hairstyle: I run like it's on fire
Ethnicity: All-world
Religious views: If you're punting to me, you better pray
Want children: Only in the stands
Marital status: I get around
Best feature: Pro Bowl T-shirt
Smoke? Only the kick coverage team
Drink? I did when I was in Hawaii

Seeking: Any lady who likes going to Hawaii once a year
Her body type: Legs like mine would be nice
Her ethnicity: Female

About me: Hello ladies, my name's Mel Gray, but make no mistake, I see things in black and white. You may already know me — I was the starting kick returner at a little thing called the Pro Bowl. In case you missed it, just check out my shirt. It says it all. I bet you wish you could untuck it, don't you? What's that, ladies? Why yes, these shorts do go all the way up. My legs mean business; wouldn't you like to make them your business? I'm speedy as all get out, but I'm not so fast when the lights come down, if you know what I mean. I mean in the bedroom. You know, it? Yeah, that's right. You know what I'm talking about. It. Hit me up, and maybe I'll even let you see what's under the socks. Mmmmm.


  1. Mel was awesome for my Lions. He was unique in that; he would catch a kick-off or punt at full speed ahead. He was not flat footed stationary and then take off. What a player.