Ozzie Guillen, 1990 Bowman

Name: Ozzie Guillen
Team: Chicago White Sox
Position: Shortstop
Value of card: On the Cuban black market, still nothing
Key 1989 stat: Magic Marker eyebrows
Fun facts about suspended Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen and the hideous sculpture in his team's stadium:

• The Marlins' sculpture offends people with its loud music and bright colors. Ozzie offends people with his loud mouth and not-so-bright comments.
• The Marlins' sculpture does crazy things during the team's home games. Ozzie says crazy things whenever he pleases.
• The Marlins' sculpture does its job when the team hits a home run. Ozzie's going to lose his job if the team doesn't start hitting more home runs.
• Ozzie Guillen offered praise for an oppressive dictator. The Marlins' sculpture could be considered a torture device.
• Ozzie Guillen apologized for his comments about Fidel Castro. Castro and the rest of the world are owed an apology for that outfield monstrosity.

Ozzie Guillen, 1990 Bowman