3.12.2010

Jerry Augustine, 1984 Fleer

Name: Jerry Augustine
Team: Milwaukee Brewers
Positions: Pitcher, rascal
Value of card: Hold on; we'll write it on a clipboard
Key 1983 stat: 1,016 times yelled at by manager
A step below adult behavior: Jerry Augustine was a troublemaker. During games, he'd curl up on dugout steps and take a nap until Brewers manager Harvey Kuenn yelled, waking him from his slumber. Augustine would chew huge wads of tobacco and spit into the Gatorade cooler. He would wear ridiculous bright-blue pants when the rest of the team wore white. He would draw crude pictures of airplanes and boobs on a clipboard instead of tracking pitches. He never cleaned the chew from his mustache or washed his mullet. Augustine always seemed surprised when Kuenn yelled at him, looking back at the skipper with a child's "What did I do?" face. Kuenn spent most his time during games keeping an eye the pitcher and scolding him with trips to "timeout" and by taking away his TV privileges. Finally, the constant scolding became too much for the old manager. He took Augustine out of the rotation and let him doodle on his clipboard during games for the rest of the season. This allowed Augustine to come up with his finest pitch: a blueprint of his Boeing B-17 Flying Bosom Bomber for the Army.
Fun fact: The stain on the top of this card is Augustine's chew spit, raising the card's value to nearly 2 cents.

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