Craig Kusick, 1979 Topps

Name: Craig Kusick
Team: Minnesota Twins
Positions: First base, designated hitter
Value of card: The leftover skin after a Siamese twin separation procedure
Key 1978 stat: 28,981 hours searching for his twin
Here's what Craig Kusick stands for:

Chin lines make necklaces unnecessary
Rose-colored glasses, but still hates what he sees
Ate bad trout sandwich, turned pale
In Twin Cities, still a well-known hobo
Glasses acted as official "jumping of shark" moment for 1970s shades style

Karaoke king who always sings "Superfly"
Underwear had more holes than his swing
Smile is a bit crooked, mirroring his poker reputation
Inside his stomach, an unborn twin
Caterpillar mustache about to crawl off his face
Keynote speaker at Kentucky Fried Chicken College commencement, 1981


  1. Very nice (actually, rather demented). I've got Craig and some other guys who chose the wrong shades right here: