John Elway, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 9)

Name: John Elway
Team: Denver Broncos (in case you couldn't read any of his clothing)
Position: Quarterback
Value of card: Horse manure
Key 1991 stat: A mile high
Things to do in Denver when you're John Elway: How passionate was John Elway about the Denver Broncos? He was so passionate, he used spray-tan solely because it turned his skin orange. He was so passionate, he had plastic surgery to make himself look more like a horse. He was so passionate, he refused to call his wife anything but his "little filly." He was so passionate, he grew out his mullet until it looked just like a horse's mane. He was so passionate, he actually nailed his shoes to his feet. He was so passionate, he told teammates to jump on his back just so he could try to throw them off. In fact, John Elway was so doggone passionate about the Denver Broncos, he drank an Orange Crush, watched an episode of "Mr. Ed" and drove O.J.'s getaway vehicle all at the same time!

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