Name: Burt Grossman
Team: San Diego Chargers
Position: Defensive end
Value of card: Bupkis
Key 1991 stat: Four pairs of lightning-bolt shorts owned
Burt Grossman's online dating profile circa 1991:
Screen name: NotSoGrossMan1
Height: 6' 4"
Weight: 270 lbs.
Hair color: San Diego Padre brown
Facial hair: Waxed
Ethnicity: Beach bro
Marital status: Married
Want children? I would love a little Grossman
Smoke? And ruin this babyface? No way.
Drink? I've done a keg stand before.
Best feature: Thighs
Seeking: Hey laaaaaadies!
Her body type: San Diego
Her ethnicity: Tanned
Her interests: Shorts, smooth skin, not making fun of people's names
About me: Look, ladies, despite my name, I'm the cleanest man you'll ever meet. I don't tolerate a mess in my house