Name: Greg Maddux
Team: Atlanta Braves
Value of card: Paint on your carpet
Key 1994 stat: One foot much smaller than the other, apparently
Here's a literal interpretation of the above masterpiece: A sullen and stranded Greg Maddux waits for rescue while sitting atop a giant dirt clod rising from the ocean at the very edge of the earth. Too depressed to feed himself by trying to grab the fish jumping just inches away from him, Maddux is unaware that he is about to be pummeled by a hailstorm of baseballs as two ships shaped like gigantic Cy Young trophies sail right past him.