Name: Mario Soto
Team: Cincinnati Reds
Value of card: Soto? More like so low.
Key 1981 stat: Signed name as "Mario Sota" every third time just to mess with people
Clearing up some rumors about Mario Soto:
- Mario Soto was not angry in the above photo. He was just straining all of his head and face muscles under the weight of all that hair.
- Mario Soto did, in fact, refuse to call his undershirt in this picture a "turtleneck." He instead called it an "afrosweater."
- Mario Soto did not use bobby pins to keep his hat atop his head. He used Superglue.
- Mario Soto did not have a family of robins living in his hair. It was just a single robin who was afraid of commitment.
- Mario Soto did, in fact, use his afro to once catch a line drive. He also used it to catch taxis, trout, the attention of ladies and, one time, the clap.