Name: Ted Simmons
Team: Milwaukee Brewers, Team Hot Dog on a Stick
Value of card: Ink stains on your new shirt
Key 1982 stat: Won 719 staring contests
Rewriting history: Ted Simmons played for the Milwaukee Brewers in the early 1980s, a team that never, not even once, sported a cap that looked like the one above. Ah, the miracle of airbrushing. However, this particular artist, employed by the nation's premiere board-game maker, didn't stop at the hat. Here are some other ways in which this airbrusher went too far:
- Ted Simmons' jersey had a yellow stripe on the collar, not a red one.
- Ted Simmons' mullet has been mysteriously chopped down to size.
- Only through the magic of airbrushing could Ted Simmons' five-o'clock shadow be removed.
- The real Ted Simmons wore glasses.
- Ted Simmons was actually black.