3.17.2014

Christian Welp, 1989-90 NBA Hoops (Return of White Ballers Week No. 1)


Name: Christian Welp
Team: San Antonio Spurs
Position: Center
Value of card: One religious tract left under your windshield wiper
Key 1989-90 stat: Only time in the spotlight was on this card
Get these men some spray-tan: It's been three years since the Bust brought out its first set of White Ballers, and the Internet hasn't been the same since. OK, it's been exactly the same, but that's not stopping us from plastering it with seven more of the pastiest dudes to ever hit the hardwood. Now, just in time for March Madness, let the mullets and short-shorts begin!
Christian didn't have a prayer: Many people believe the word "welp," most often used during awkward pauses or when there's nothing more to say, originated from the movie "Dumb and Dumber." But we linguists here at the Bust know better. The word's origins trace back to former San Antonio Spurs coach Larry Brown. You see, while Brown at first would scream Christian Welp's surname every time the center blew an open layup, gave up a rebound to a much shorter player, or had yet another pass bounce off his granite-like hands, these occurrences became so common that the coach stopped yelling the name and instead started speaking it at normal volume with hints of expectancy and resignation. Christian didn't box out? Welp. Christian threw the ball out of bounds? Welp. Christian forgot to wash his mullet? Welp, Welp, Welp.


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