Jason Thompson, 1983 Fleer

Name: Jason Thompson
Team: Pittsburgh Pirates
Position: First base
Value of card: Arrgh, all the bounty you can pull from Davy Jones' locker (Davy Jones being the poorest sophomore from Peabody High School in Pittsburgh)
Key 1982 stat: One blatant attempt to look like the team mascot
Jason Thompson earned a lot of stars; here's what he earned them for:
  • Top row, far left: Star for first sports card featuring CNN logo
  • Top row, second from left: Star for best Camaro driver's mullet on team
  • Top row, second from right: Star for best kiss-up hat choice for future manager Jim Leyland
  • Top row, far right: Star for wispiest mustache in National League
  • Bottom row, left: Star for not being a star
  • Bottom row, middle: Star for worst star symmetry and alignment on team (and when compared with a typical second-grader)
  • Bottom row, right: Star for being the mistaken subject of an interview with a rookie CNN reporter who was tasked with getting to the bottom of a story on a brazen ship robbery conducted by seafaring brigands off the coast of Georgia when the Pirates were in town to play the Braves 


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