1.21.2014

Pete LaCock, 1981 Topps


Name: Pete LaCock
Team: Kansas City Royals
Positions: First base, outfield
Value of card: One smile from LaCock
Key 1980 stat: 25 mesh nettings rested against
Here's Pete LaCock's online dating profile:

ScreenName: Pete_LaCock_Yes_That's_My_Real_Name
Age: 29
Height: 6' 2"
Weight: 200 pounds of LaCock here
Hair color: Which layer?
Hairstyle: Mulletish
Facial hair: Mustache that tastes vaguely of hickory
Ethnicity: Californian
Marital status: Swinging freely
Want children? Yes. Who wouldn't want a little LaCock?
Smoke? You selling?
Drink? I've been known to pound a few
Best feature: Surname

Seeking: A beautiful Midwestern girl (or five)
Her body type: Scantily clad
Her ethnicity: Female
Her interests: Baseball, mustaches and wiener jokes

About me: Hello, ladies, I'm Pete LaCock. You might know me as that professional baseball player with the quasi-erotic name. No, not Rusty. There's nothing erotic about that guy. Anyway, I've been having a tough time since moving to Kansas City. It seems I'm spending more time in bed with a plate of delicious barbecue ribs than with the company of a woman, and I'd like to change that. So drop me a line      first we'll get to LaKnow each other, and then we'll get LaNasty. LaCock out!
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1 comment:

  1. You need to add: My dad is Hollywood Squares host Peter Marshall

    ReplyDelete