Name: Nate Newton
Team: Dallas Cowboys
Position: Santa Claus
Value of card: Half an ounce of myrrh
Key 1993 stat: Four bunches of mistletoe eaten
Merry Christmas from the Bust: We were totally going to get you a gift, but we must have lost your address. Instead, please share in the bounty that Nate Newton and these two cheerleaders received.
- The cheerleader on the left received: An empty box, three square feet of golden wrapping paper and a fancy bow.
- The cheerleader on the right received: A new pair of tights that don't quite match her skin tone, a gift certificate for a touch-up for her femullet and an unwanted advance from the Pinnacle photographer.
- Nate Newton received: Two ham sandwiches, a handle of Southern Comfort and a pound of plant matter that didn't come from those trees in the background.
Half an ounce? You underestimate Santa Nate.
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