12.01.2013

Chris Zorich, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 35)


Name: Chris Zorich
Team: Chicago Bears
Position: Defensive tackle
Value of card: 2 inches of elastic from that waistband
Key 1990 stat: 176 chicks propositioned
Chris Zorich's dating profile, circa 1991:

Screen name: BigChris97
Age: Young, son
Height: 6-foot-1 and done
Weight: About 280 of pure muscle
Hair color: Dark
Hairstyle: Chest
Ethnicity: Croatian, African-American and awesome
Want children? My muscles are my children
Past relationships: All started in the weight room
Best feature: Sweatpants bulge
Smoke? Not this dude
Drink? Protein shakes

Seeking: A buff broad
Location: The Windy City
Her height: 6-foot-1 to 6-foot-6
Her body type: Filled with muscles
Her ethnicity: Tan

About me: What's up, ladies? I'm Big Chris and I'm ready to pump you up, if you know what I mean. Sure, I spend a lot of time in the weight room, but I also spend a lot of time in the bedroom. Wink, wink. Want to sweat it out and share a couple of protein shakes? You can find me at the gym      in the locker room, if you're lucky.
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