11.18.2013

Larry Johnson, 1991 Classic (Heinous Hoops Week No. 1)


Name: Larry Johnson
Team: UNLV Runnin' Rebels
Position: Forward
Value of card: Two tickets to the gun show
Key 1991 stat: Ran, but didn't rebel very much
They shoot, they miss: We're a couple weeks into basketball season, and the good people at the Bust are fired up. Despite your requests, we've decided to bring you another week of basketball cards so bad, so ugly, so absurd, that, well, they'll fit right in on this blog. So put on your shortest short-shorts and get ready to start flopping      it's time for Heinous Hoops Week.
Transcript from a late-night Las Vegas-area TV commercial, circa 1991: "Hello, Las Vegas! I'm Larry Johnson. You may know me for my talent on the basketball court, my python-like biceps, or my penchant for wearing multiple pairs of shorts at the same time. And while it's true that I like shooting hoops, I also love shooting guns!" (Cut to footage of a shirtless LJ firing a rifle in the desert) "That's right, handguns, shotguns, machine guns, I love 'em all. I even fired a Gatling gun one time! Thanks, UNLV boosters! Anyway, that's why I've opened up my own shop. At Johnson's Guns, you'll find every type of firearm and ammunition you could want. But don't take it from me      take it from this old gunslinger! (UNLV mascot Hey Reb dances into the shot, firing live rounds from actual pistols) "AAHHHH! HE SHOT ME! OH MY GOD, I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU SON OF A     " (Cut to color bars)
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