10.06.2013

Vaughan Johnson, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 27)


Name: Vaughan Johnson
Team: New Orleans Saints
Positions: Linebacker, perched on a jug
Value of card: 11 grains of powder Gatorade mix
Key 1990 stat: 126 inches of socks, combined
10 things that could be in that Gatorade jug:
10) Gatorade (the diet light purple kind that tastes like rust)
9) Lots of, um, stuff from "bathroom time" that's earmarked for Saints rookie hazing
8) 42 of fellow Saints linebacker Rickey Jackson's hats
7) Liquid the Saints would never get a chance to pour on coach Jim Mora in the playoffs
6) A shadow that looks like a schlong (oh, wait, that's outside the jug)
5) A scrunched-up Vaughn Dunbar, because he spells his first name wrong, sucka
4) 22 more pairs of short-shorts (he's wearing three more under the two you can see)
3) Powerade®: The complete sports drink for athletes everywhere
2) Sweat —gallons and gallons and gallons of it
1) Vaughan's johnson
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