9.02.2013

Dan Marino, 1992 Skybox (Preposterous Poster Week No. 1)


Name: Dan Marino
Team: Miami Dolphins
Position: Quarterback
Value of card: A DVD copy of Season 5 of "Miami Vice" (two discs missing)
Key 1992 stat: One loitering ticket
Welcome to Preposterous Poster Week: With the NFL season just days away, we've decided to take a closer look at some of the finest football cards we've ever seen. In the early 1990s, Skybox decided it wasn't enough to make atrocious sports cards, so it helped create a series of atrocious sports posters. As if that wasn't bad enough, Skybox then turned said posters into — you guessed it — football cards. Now we're bringing you seven of the most embarrassing images to ever decorate a 14-year-old boy's bedroom (family photos excluded). Apologies in advance.

Ways in which Dan Marino is either armed or dangerous in the above photo:
  • It's dangerous to leave a football helmet on the back of a Corvette. If he forgets it's there, it could fall off and get scratched.
  • He's probably got some guns or something in that duffel bag.
  • It's dangerous to cover up such beautiful Zubaz pants, which is why his jersey is so neatly tucked in.
  • He's armed with a special permit that lets him park on the beach, even though the palm tree clearly bans such activity.
  • It's dangerous to give Marino so much time without pressuring him. Unless it's the playoffs, of course.

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