7.04.2013

Ryan Long, 1992 Bowman


Name: Ryan Long
Team: Kansas City Royals
Position: Outfield
Value of card: 16 rotten oranges
Key 1991 stat: One high school senior portrait used on a baseball card
Ryan Long's dating profile, circa 1991:

Screen name: LongGone25
Age: 18
Height: 6 feet 2 and growing
Weight: 190 pounds and drowning in muscles
Hair color: Brunette
Hairstyle: Fresh
Ethnicity: As white as they come
Want children? Still a child
Past relationships: Dated Kelly Kapowski
Best feature: Shades
Smoke? Cigarettes aren't cool, dude
Drink? You don't have to drink to be radical

Seeking: Pretty, popular girls
Location: High school
Her height: A-plus
Her body type: Cheerleader
Her ethnicity: As white as me

About me: Hey, babes. Ryan here. I'm just a cool dude looking for a chica to be at my side. I'm pretty much the most popular guy in school, and I'm looking for a girl who's just as popular — and not make-believe. I like to cruise around in my red Camaro, make fun of nerds, shoot hoops with the bros, and wear my sunglasses at night. I hope you're cool — and hot — enough to do those things with me. Catch ya later, skater.
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