Brian Downing, 1979 Topps

Name: Brian Downing
Team: California Angels
Position: Catcher
Value of card: A number the shape of a halo
Key 1978 stat: Two wings on an Angel (in his hair, not on his back)
It's time for a Southern California pop quiz:

Why, in god's name, does Brian Downing the Angel wear slightly shaded glasses?

(A) The good Lord came down from the heavens and blessed Downing's regular glasses with a holy light-brown tint.
(B) A supernatural being worshipped by hundreds of millions of people spoke to the Angels catcher in a dream and told him, "Brian, thou must look nerdier."
(C) The one all-knowing, all-powerful God shot lightning bolts through his fingers from his perch in the heavens down to the Earth, splintering a vast forest full of trees whose collective cloud of dissipating bark covered much of Southern California, including Downing's glasses.
(D) The omnipotent Providence bestowed shining white teeth and sun-bleached golden locks upon Brian Downing, an Angel, as part of His master plan to send Downing to Earth among the mortals to perform miracles and inspire His followers to perform good deeds in an effort to one day make it to heaven, where all angels wear glasses the color of Dr. Pepper vomit.
(E) All of the above.

Card courtesy of Douglas Corti

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