6.26.2013

Domingo Jean, 1992 Bowman


Name: Domingo Jean
Team: New York Yankees
Positions: Pitcher, movie villain
Value of card: Not nearly as high as this guy's hair
Key career stat: Won one more MLB game than we did
Try this at home: Here's how to make your very own Domingo Jean (not that you'd want to):

5 parts May Day from "A View to a Kill"
2 parts Donatella Versace (namely, her upper lip and lower lip)
1 part film from a VHS cassette of "Coneheads"
1 part rum
1 JCPenney catalog, shredded

Mix the first three ingredients roughly on a Sunday in the Dominican Republic. Sprinkle with the shredded catalog pages, then send the concoction to New York. Drink the rum and try to pretend that you never saw the finished product. Realize that some things, once seen, cannot be unseen. Then, shudder uncontrollably, and you're all done!
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