6.07.2013

Dan Majerle, 1994-95 Fleer Pro-Visions (Basketball Barf Art Week No. 5)


Name: Dan Majerle
Team: Phoenix Suns
Position: Small forward
Value of card: Four "Thunders" (Majerle's term for passing gas)
Key 1994-95 stat: Head not actually miniscule when compared with torso
Clearing up some rumors related to"Thunder" Dan Majerle:
  • Majerle did not have a magical hawk that vaguely resembled a fish and shot lighting from its talons. He did have a guinea pig named Sparky, though.
  • If Majerle did have such a magical hawk, the bird would probably have more feathers than Majerle's hair does.
  • Majerle could not fly by shooting flames out of his legs. But he did run really fast after trying to light his flatulence on fire one time.
  • Majerle did, in fact, make inappropriate hand gestures on occasion.
  • Phoenix is not actually a desert wasteland with more cacti and buttes than people. It does, however, have a poisonous cloud of pollution hanging over it.
  • Majerle could not soar miles above the Earth. If he had been able to, maybe he would have drove more often instead of jacking up so many threes.

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