6.03.2013

Anfernee Hardaway, 1994-95 Fleer Pro-Visions (Basketball Barf Art Week No. 1)


Name: Anfernee "Penny" Hardaway
Team: Orlando Magic
Position: Guard
Value of card: A penny
Key 1993-94 stat: 14 different-colored tuxes worn
Welcome to Basketball Barf Art Week: With a Miami-Indy Game 7 tonight and the NBA Finals starting Thursday, it's a time for celebration. What better way to celebrate than with seven of the most mind-numbing basketball illustrations ever produced in sports card form? Well, er, yeah, there are plenty of better ways to celebrate than with these abominations, but, hell, we have nothing better to do, so enjoy the week.
10 magic tricks performed by Penny Hardaway:
10) Pull a rabbit out of his jockstrap.
9) Levitate the logo for the Internet's most embarrassing sports card blog.
8) Rent a tux; throw up on it; get it dry-cleaned; take it back.
7) Get commercials starring Lil' Penny made despite their obvious imbecility.
6) Cut Shaq Daddy in half (making him still about 6 feet tall).
5) Combine a card focused on magic with a solar system background — for no apparent reason.
4) Force-feed puns to an audience ad nauseum.
3) Turn a basketball into a penny with the help of trashy art.
2) Make his career disappear.
1) Grow a mustache as a haircut.
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