Fred Breining, 1985 Topps

Name: Fred Breining
Team: Montreal Expos
Positions: Pitcher, stuffed in locker
Value of card: Hard to see any value here
Key 1985 stat: Didn't play a game in the big leagues
More great work, Topps: Here we have Fred Breining, one of the least photogenic people to ever walk the Earth. The 18-pound glasses, the flowing blond-ish mullet, the sense that he can't actually see anything in focus, even with those spectacles. But where Topps really takes the cake here is with Breining's "outfit." You see, the pitcher was with the Expos all of the 1984 season. Sure, he only played in four games due to a shoulder injury, but apparently Topps was unable for more than a year to get a photographer north of the border to get a shot of him, even just standing around. Instead, they bestowed upon us this treasure, showing Breining, clearly in Candlestick Park, with an airbrushed hat and a jacket so heavily doctored it looks like he's wearing a satin sheet as a cloak. That's just great, guys, you should really take pride in this effort. *puking sounds*

Card suggested by Tyler Kepner

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