Dickie Thon, 1989 Upper Deck

Name: Dickie Thon
Team: San Diego Padres
Position: Shortstop
Value of card: More when it's ripped up into tiny pieces and used as confetti
Key 1988 stat: 11 showers (all season)
Here's what Dickie Thon stands for:

Dung-colored uniforms smell like they look
Inside that mind? Dirty, dirty thoughts
Caterpillar died above his lip
Killer — lady killer
Insect species by the dozen living in that hair mess
Eyes looking into the sun, and they'll soon melt

Tells women he sang "The Thon Song"
Horrible card crop not as bad as his hair crop
Other than featuring the worst photo of all time, this card isn't that bad
Never was introduced to a comb

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