4.11.2013

Will Clark, 1993 Milk Bone Super Stars


Name: Will Clark
Team: San Francisco Giants
Position: First base
Value of card: One dog treat, post-digestion
Key 1992 stat: 500 dog turds picked up
Man vs. beast: We'll go ahead and assume that "Psycho" is the name of Will Clark's dog and not just Milk Bone's assessment of Clark's mental state. In that case, it's time for a Matchup.

Round 1: Furriness (Winner: Psycho, barely)
Round 2: Worse breath (Winner: Clark)
Round 3: Ability to hit balls (Winner: Clark)
Round 4: Ability to fetch balls (Winner: Psycho)
Round 5: Ability to lick balls (Winner: Psycho)
Round 6: Number of legs humped (Winner: Clark, surprisingly)
Round 7: Better liked by Mrs. Clark (Winner: Psycho)
Round 8: More in need of a flea dip (Winner: Tie)

Final score: Psycho 4, Clark 3 (Ties: 1)

Synopsis: Who's a good boy? Yes, you are! Yes, Psycho is a good boy! What a good doggy!

Card submitted by Tyler Kepner
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