4.24.2013

Matt Morris, 2003 Fleer Ultra


Name: Matt Morris
Team: St. Louis Cardinals
Position: Ace
Value of card: Three overfried Rocky Mountain oysters
Key 2002 stat: 10 terrible puns
A post for all the marbles: Matt Morris was having a monumental 2002 season, winning games, striking out hitters and controlling his balls whenever they left his hand. Though some of his boys thought he was nuts, he stuck to his routine: have eggs in the morning, toss stones in the early afternoon, exercise in strange ways focusing on the area between his legs in the late afternoon, and play with his stepchildren at night. Despite the criticism, Morris stuck to the family jewels of wisdom his father gave him: When in doubt, turn your head and cough, and never stick hooks in the tackle. Stick to those, he'd say, and you'll always pass the testes.
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