3.18.2013

Michael Jordan, Summer of '94 (Ball-Busting Basketball Week No. 1)


Name: Michael Jordan
Team: Chicago Bulls
Position: Shooting guard
Value of card: Over-under is 12 cents (Jordan took the over and lost)
Key 1993 stat: 994 ounces of sweat over 94 days of summer
Welcome to Ball-Busting Basketball Week: That's right, all you degenerate gamblers, it's NCAA tourney time, and things here at The Bust are heating up. While the nation watches its brackets get busted, we're about to treat our faithful readers (see: you, and about three other guys) to seven days of basketball cards that need their balls busted. So sit back, relax and try not to dunk your laptop in the garbage after reading these posts.
10 things Michael Jordan did in the summer of '94:
10) Stood in disbelief after one of countless terrible golf shots
9) Had someone else sign his name in gold leaf
8) Wore shorts that were long enough to be pants on normal-size human beings
7) Sweated under the heat of two suns and a basketball-orange sky
6) Caught so much air he ended up outside Mars
5) Wondered why the hell the Japanese flag's sun disk was included on a sports card
4) Worked as Paul Hogan's stunt double in the unreleased "Crocodile Dundee III: Drunk in Chicago"
3) Gambled. A lot.
2) Hit the links at his favorite country club on Tatooine under its twin suns
1) Spent hours working on his putts
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