3.11.2013

Jeff Montgomery, 1998 Topps Opening Day


Name: Jeff Montgomery
Team: Kansas City Firemen Royals
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: Smoke inhalation
Key 1997 stat: Pulled the fire alarm 27 times as a prank
Safety first, kids: The honchos at Topps probably thought this card was pretty funny, but we see several fire code (and good taste) violations in the photo. Therefore, we see no choice but to assess some fines.
  • $50 for removing the only fire extinguisher in the building and using it as a prop.
  • $150 for having Jeff Montgomery make inappropriate gestures with the extinguisher's hose and nozzle.
  • $25 for Photoshoping flames on Montgomery's chest, defeating the purpose of him being a fireman or whatever.
  • $65 for Montgomery not strapping down his hair helmet.
  • $1,000 for subjecting us to a photo of Montgomery wearing a sleeveless, snap-down vest with no shirt underneath. Creepy.
Card submitted by Fat Shawn Kemp.
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