Name: Moses Denson
Team: Washington Redskins
Position: Running back
Value of card: 21 dead locusts
Key 1974 stat: 40 years wandering the desert
Pray to Him for a card this good: Hold on. Just hold on a second, Topps. You think you're pretty funny, don't ya? So funny. Just so, so funny. Here we have Moses Denson, a fine 1970s running back. But his statistics and performance on the field don't matter. Just look at that name. Now toss out the last name. Yes, we're looking solely at "Moses." Moses, he of the 10 Commandments. He of Mount Sinai. He of the Red Sea. Hmm, the Red Sea. The gigantic body of water that the biblical Moses parted. And here we have modern-day Moses, who, by the grace of God, has parted his beard and hair in the same manner that biblical Moses parted a sea. Well played, Topps. Well played, Moses. Suck on that, Heston.