Jesus Sanchez, 2001 Topps

Name: Jesus Sanchez
Team: Florida Marlins
Positions: Pitcher, savior
Value of card: 12 pounds of inedible fish guts
Key 2000 stat: After three days, he rose (from the minors)
It's time for an early 2000s pop quiz:

Why is Jesus Sanchez hiding his face?

(A) With those stats, he doesn't want to be identified.
(B) With that name, he's tired of being compared with a Christ figure.
(C) With that earring, he doesn't want thieves to find him.
(D) With that bulge, he wanted to make sure you weren't distracted.
(E) All of the above.

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