2.12.2013

Craig McMurtry, 1987 Blue Jays Fire Safety Set


Name: Craig McMurtry
Team: Toronto Blue Jays
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: 18 burnt mustache hairs
Key 1987 stat: Didn't do nothin'
Quotable quote from the back of the card: "Craig McMurtry says this about smoke: 'Every team should have a pitcher that throws it. Every home should have an alarm that detects it.'"
Stop, drop and gag: Here are some of the ways in which the above card does and does not promote fire safety.
  • It promotes fire safety by eschewing the use of loud, incendiary colors in favor of a simple black-and-white, homemade color scheme.
  • It does not promote fire safety in that it lies about Craig McMurtry being a Blue Jay. Dude never threw a pitch for the team. Liar, liar, pants on fire!
  • It promotes fire safety by using a photo of McMurtry taken off a TV screen rather than having him drive in and get his muffler all hot.
  • It does not promote fire safety by flaunting all that arm hair. Those limbs are just a tinderbox, ready to blow!
  • It promotes fire safety by having McMurtry wear those glasses rather than use them to fry insects or       considering the size of the lenses       small cities.
  • It does not promote fire safety by inducing a coma just by looking at it. Come on, man, we could have had a candle burning!
Card submitted by Douglas Corti
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