Alex Rodriguez, 2013 Topps SP

Name: Alex Rodriguez
Team: New York Yankees
Position: Third base (but only first base with that fan)
Value of card: Having something in common with Cameron Diaz
Key 2012 stat: Actually played in a few games
Train of thought of the fan standing in the center of the above photo, 2:10 to 2:11 p.m., June 12, 2012: "Holy wow, I still can't believe these seats. I can actually see the chili stains on Sabathia's uniform! All right, let's go boys      oh man, this foul is headed right for us! OK, steady, steady. No way A-Rod makes it over here on that hip. And reach! OH, OH GOD, WHAT IS IN MY EAR? Is that Rodriguez's tongue? And he's trying to hold my hand! What the (expletive deleted)! I don't care if he caught the damn ball, the dude just tried to taste my eardrum. Oh, so disgusting! And now I've got his weird purple lipstick all over my neck. This is even worse than the time I saw David Wells barf up what looked like a gallon of borscht behind the pitcher's mound."

Card submitted by Jeremy Porter, Collector Revolution

Alex Rodriguez, 2013 Topps SP