1.17.2013

Steve Smith, 1995-96 Upper Deck Be A Player (Hockey Week No. 4)


Name: Steve Smith
Team: Chicago Blackhawks
Position: Defenseman
Value of card: The monetary equivalent of the ink used for that autograph
Key 1994-95 stat: 47 Siberian "huskies" romanced
Steve Smith's dating profile, circa 1994:

Screen name: PuckSchmuck41
Age: 34 or 35; not sure
Height: 1.75 hockey sticks
Weight: 254 hockey pucks
Hair color: Golden
Hairstyle: Coated in 11 pounds of gel
Ethnicity: Russian-Canadian, like the rest of the NHL
Religious views: Cross check
Marital status: Never
Want children? Why?
Best feature: Forehand (up your skirt)
Smoke? Only when I drink
Drink? Only when I drink

Seeking: A Russian babe whose breath is as cold as a Siberian winter
Location: Anywhere in Canada, eh?
Her body type: Buxom and nuded
Her ethnicity: See above

About me: Ladies, feast your eyes on a real man — a hockey man. Just because I spend all day handling my stick doesn't mean I don't have time for your parts, too. As you can see from my sexified profile pic, I don't just play hockey. I also play beach volleyball — in the snow. And I don't just dive around shirtless with the guys like it's "Top Gun"; I also like to sweat with the ladies. You want to get hot on the ice? Just imagine what I'm saving for you in these jean shorts. Let's puck.
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