12.16.2012

Thomas Everett, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 15)


Name: Thomas Everett
Team: Pittsburgh Steelers
Position: Safety
Value of card: Two cat's eye marbles
Key 1990 stat: 28-inch right biceps; 16-inch left biceps
Schoolyard talk with Mr. Everett: "What's up, kids? I'm Steelers safety Thomas Everett, and I'm a competitive guy. You want to race me on the monkey bars? You have no chance. You want a monkey-bar chicken fight? You'll go crying home to Mommy. You want play some marbles? I have a couple of steelies that will smash into your boulders before I snatch your whole collection. How about we climb a rope? I'm already at the top. A tree? I already broke off the branches and built a house. You want to see me on the slides? I have photo slides of my slides that show me sliding better than you've ever slid. Biker shorts contest? Look down; you already lost. See these lines in my hair? They represent the kids I already sent home with tears in their eyes and fear in their hearts. You don't want to see me on the playground, son. For real."
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