Nolan Ryan, 1991 Pacific Trading Cards

Name: Nolan Ryan
Teams: Texas Rangers; Texas Equestrian League Gallopers
Positions: Ace; atop a four-legged animal
Value of card: Three hooves
Key 1990 stat: 121 prairies meandered through
It's time for a man-vs.-animal edition of The Matchup:

Round 1: Massive, gleaming teeth too big for their mouth (Winner: Tie)
Round 2: Wearing pageant accessories for a lame photo shoot (Winner: Tie)
Round 3: Often sleeps in a hay-covered and feces-strewed stable (Winner: Tie)
Round 4: Was said to be "Participating in a Cutting horse contest" but wasn't really doing so (Winner: Tie)
Round 5: Ate oats for every meal (Winner: Tie)
Round 6: Looking like an ass (Winner: Tie)
Round 7: Penchant for crapping wherever he pleases (Winner: Tie)

Score: Ryan zero, horse zero, ties 7

Synopsis: In what fans would think would be an easy win for the horse, Ryan shows he's tough to beat when a night with a mare is on the line.

No comments:

Post a Comment