12.18.2012

Mike Loynd, 1988 Donruss


Name: Mike Loynd
Team: Texas Rangers
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: 12 pimples
Key 1987 stat: Best bangs this side of the Pecos
Steady your stomachs, it's recipe time: Here's how to cook your very own Mike TenderLoynd.

2 tbsp. Proactiv pimple cream
1 lb. unseasoned horse loin
1 rubber arm
4 oz. ear wax
1 can of Ranch Style Beans
Dash of eyebrow (extra thick)

Rub the Proactiv into one side of the horse loin until it disappears, then beat weakly with the rubber arm. Throw the loin into a dirty pot with the other ingredients, then simmer on medium-low heat for 26 games or until ERA reaches 6.00. Plate and then serve to the opposing team, as they always feast on Loynd.

Card submitted by Fat Shawn Kemp
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