12.24.2012

Ken Singleton, 1982 Donruss Diamond Kings (Ho-Ho-Horrendous Diamond Kings Week No. 1)


Name: Ken Singleton
Team: Baltimore Orioles
Position: Outfield
Value of card: 12 lead paint chips
Key 1982 stat: Low bar for Diamond Kings
Merry Christmas, and welcome to Ho-Ho-Horrendous Diamond Kings Week: Look, we know what you're thinking. "You're giving me more Diamond Kings for Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa? You guys are about as original as Adam Sandler these days." It's true, we've taken a few pokes at the work of the infamous artist Perez, but we don't think you understand how atrocious, how dreadful, how god-awful these things really were at times. So pour some extra rum in that egg nog      here we go again with the most horrendous Diamond Kings money can buy (and it can buy a lot of them).
What makes this a horrendous Diamond King: Let's start at the back. Are those just a bunch of puke-colored stripes or is that a direct ripoff of the flag of some small African nation? Moving forward, is Ken Singleton hunchbacked? What's with the lump between his right shoulder and his neck? Whatever the case, I'm pretty sure he didn't have a lazy eye, as depicted here. Of course, all of these things could be excused. It's not like we could paint Ken Singleton any better. But I'm pretty sure that we wouldn't paint him as a little white dude, as seen at bottom right. Seriously, what is Cal Ripken's face doing on Ken Singleton's body? You got his skin tone right the first time     what the hell happened with the smaller version? That's just horrendous.
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