12.28.2012

Goose Gossage, 1986 Diamond Kings (Ho-Ho-Horrendous Diamond Kings Week No. 5)


Name: Goose Gossage
Team: San Diego Padres
Position: Closer
Value of card: 6 ounces of goose poop
Key 1985 stat: 67,832 mustache hairs grown
Fun (horrendous) facts about Goose Gossage and geese:
  • Geese are waterfowl. Goose is just foul.
  • Geese can fly. Goose's handlebar mustache is fly.
  • Geese have feathers. Goose's mullet is feathered.
  • Geese are monogamous, living in permanent pairs throughout the year. Goose is promiscuous, but he lives as a pair with a tiny version of himself.
  • Geese are known for their honking. Goose has a honkin' bulge.
  • Geese are majestic creatures whose effortless ascents into flight inspire onlookers to believe in the beauty of the natural world. Goose's name is slang for sticking your finger in someone's rump.

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2 comments:

  1. Best one yet.....

    There are far too many wacky DK's for only one week. This could be an entire blog.

    Hee hee. "Honkin' bulge."

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, we know. Click the Diamond King label for God-Awful Diamond King Week, Atrocious Diamond King Week, and several others.

    ReplyDelete