Dave Schmidt, 1987 Topps

Name: Dave Schmidt
Team: Chicago White Sox
Position: Relief pitcher
Value of card: One not-quite-white sock from Goodwill
Key 1986 stat: 419 bouts of gas pain
It's time once again to choose your own adventure: You are Dave Schmidt, a reliever for the Chicago White Sox. It's the second inning of a game at Detroit, and you're not feeling so hot, thanks to those two beef 'n' bean burritos you scored from the 7-Eleven for lunch. The pressure is greater than anything you've ever faced on the mound during your unremarkable career, and just when you think you're about to pass out, you instead pass gas       an incredible silent but violent bomb that brings you great relief but will soon have nearby teammates scrambling for the clubhouse. What do you do next?

To sit back knowingly and smirk like a bastard, look at the card above and then click here.
To admit responsibility and apologize to your colleagues, click here.
To flee the scene of the crime and microwave another burrito, click here.


  1. Schmidt is now a minor league co-ordinator for the Orioles. two years ago, I was watching a GCL game between the Orioles and the Red Sox. Schmidt walks by. Yep..he lets one rip...not silent.

    True story.

  2. That is, in a word, fantastic!