9.09.2012

William Perry, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 1)


Name: William "The Refrigerator" Perry
Team: Chicago Bears
Positions: Defensive live, bowling ball
Value of card: One pair of Zubaz pants stretched out beyond all possible use
Key 1990 stat: Three missing teeth
The first of a season's worth of Shameful Sunday Portraits: Summer will soon turn to autumn, the leaves will fall, the air will become crisp, and hulking men in skin-tight uniforms will hurl their bodies at one another at breakneck speed with little regard for personal safety. Ah, yes, pro football is back, and we're commemorating what's sure to be a legendary season with a not-so-legendary Shameful Sunday Portrait for each week that goes by. So, enjoy these manly men every Sunday for the next 20 or so weeks. You can thank us later for the fashion tips.
10 kitchen-related nicknames the Fridge used:
10) The Garbage Disposal, for his stomach
9) The Kitchen Sink, for the only thing he wasn't going to eat for lunch but then did eat for lunch
8) The Sausages, for his fingers
7) The Dishwasher, for his wife
6) The Toaster, for when he trapped his wife under the sheets after passing gas
5) The Zubaz, for his Zubaz
4) The pot, for marijuana
3) The Ice Tray with a Few Missing Cubes, for his teeth
2) The Stocked Cupboard, for his gut
1) Da Udda Fridge, for his refrigerator
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