8.25.2012

Pat Sheridan, 1987 Topps


Name: Pat Sheridan
Team: Detroit Tigers
Position: Outfield
Value of card: 14 drops of tiger blood piss
Key 1986 stat: Four sides of faux woodgrain in one of Topps' greatest sets ever
Conversation between Pat Sheridan and a young fan, Sept. 18, 1986:
Young fan: "Hey, mister. Can you sign my program?"
Pat Sheridan: "Sure, kid. Let me see that."
YF: "Thanks, mister!"
PS: "Wait a cotton-picking second here. This isn't a program."
YF: "Just sign it. Just sign it."
PS: "This is a Detroit-area Auto Trader from 1984. I'm not signing this."
YF: "Please, please, mister. It'll be a collector's item. Sign it next to that Pinto."
PS: "Pinto? Why a Ford Pinto?"
YF: "Well, mister, I believe, decades from today, that a subculture of young people who are transfixed with irony and 1980s cliches will rise up from the middle 50 percent of the nation's small, private liberal arts colleges and spend, spend, spend on baseball-slash-automotive kitsch that smartly matches a clunker of a car with, well ... you understand, right?"
PS: "I'm going to go ahead and make this out to Dirtbreath."
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